How to be a highway star

For anyone looking for driving lessons in Oman, I thought I would save a bit of trouble and put the basics down here. That way, you can learn before you actually get into one of those red and white stripped cars.

Here we go.

-When backing out of your driveway, put your car in reverse and hit the gas while turning the steering wheel in the appropriate direction. Never mind any other car on the road, it will stop for you or get out of your way.

-When considering *right of way* it's no one but you. You always have the right of way no matter what you're doing or where you're going. This applies especially if you drive a big 4x4.

-All traffic signs refer to the other person at all times, unless it's a no u-turn sign and then it just applies to those who cannot u-turn properly, which is not you because you're a superstar!

-Turn signals are for losers, it's no one's business except yours where you're going.

-Brake lights are also for losers, if they burn out, forget em, besides if someone rear ends you, it's their fault anyway!

-When faced with a red and white triangle traffic sign *yield*, put your foot down on the gas and swerve sharply into the other lane.

-Speed limit signs and road markings are subject to interpretation. If you want to drive 30 km/h over or under while driving down the middle of a 2 lane road, that's fine, let everyone else worry about themselves.

-Over taking on hills and around sharp curves in the road are best done at as high a speed as your car can muster. Put your foot down and go for it.

-When approaching a round about, speed up, this will show those already in the round about that you mean business!

-Drive how you want to. Everyone else will stop for you because they don't want to get into an accident.

-When changing lanes, just go for it. If the way is blocked by another car, just keep inching forward and to the side, the other car will eventually let you in.

-Always drive like you're being chased by the devil. You will get everywhere faster then everyone else that way.

-Practice doing things with only one hand, that way, you will always know how to drive while chatting on your mobile.

-Always drive as closely as you can to the back of the car in front of you, eventually they will just get out of your way.

-At traffic lights, you should always honk your horn at the car in front of you when the lights turn. They should really know better then to take their time moving their foot from the brake to the gas.

-When pushing your way in front of other cars, stick your hand out the window in a *have patience* gesture. The other driver will appreciate that.

-Stop signs and white lines at the end of roads should be taken somewhat seriously. try and stop less then 1 meter past the intersection. The on coming cars will see that you are superior to them and will stop to let you in.


When you eventually do get your license take this advice.

-Buy either a huge 4x4 or a white Toyota, you will blend in easily.

-Show off how fertile you are by having as many children as possible and letting them all run around in the back of your car.

-Bling up your new car with every possible add on and accessory available.

-Choose a car with a big enough trunk for lawn chairs.

-Hit something with your car as soon as you buy it. Battle scars are sexy!

-Either leave the plastic on the seats in your new car to seal in the freshness or cover the seats in faux fur. You will look pimp either way.

-Stick pillows, stuffed animals, Kleenex boxes, fake flowers and other acessories on your back parcel shelf, everyone will see how cool you are.

-Black out your windows, no one needs to know who you are or what you're doing in your car.

-Put as much crap as possible on your rear view mirror, fuzzy dice, cd's, car fresheners, versus from the Quran, little carpets, whatever you can find.

Take this advice and you will fit in super dooper in Muscat :D