Oh, Canada...

So this is my last post from Muscat for awhile.

My suitcase is half packed.

McFluffin (the cat's new name, SuperFluff was getting a little old) is already at his sitter.

Cush and I have bought gifts for everyone back home.

We've arranged to have our plants watered.

I've got our passports and a few hundred Canadian dollars ready to go by the door.

Everything is pretty much ready to go except me.

I feel really apprehensive about this trip.

What on earth was I thinking going for a month?

When did that ever seem like a good idea to me?

I'm so worried that things will just fall to pieces like they did last time, that I will fall to pieces like I did the last time.

As much as I get frustrated with living in Muscat, I'm finally in a happy place here, except obviously in the car.

I like my new friends, and generally I like the little life we have here.

I'm terrified honestly that I will have yet again *changed* and I don't know how to be my old self because I'm just me and that wasn't ok the last time.

I'm scared of gaining the weight back, my mom keeps talking about turkey and ham and the neighbour (who also made our fantastic wedding cake) is making a cake...and I don't need it or want it.

This isn't how it's supposed to feel.

I'm stressed right out, my head feels like it weighs a thousand pounds and that my neck can barely hold it up.

I find that I'm not looking forward to doing stuff but that I'm sad about what I'll miss while I'm away.

What a spoiled brat I am. My parents pay for me and Cush to come and visit and I don't want to go now? That's messed up.

I feel like a little kid on the first day of school pleading with my mom not to make me go because I'm afraid the kids will be mean to me.

Ok I'm just being over dramatic right? Things will be fine, my old friends will be fine and if they aren't I'll tell em to get fucked.

I will not be pushed around like the last time.

This cannot go the way it did the last time, it just can't.

Obviously, I'm going to go. Obviously I will eat turkey and ham and cake and probably drink too much. Obviously things will be awkward, afterall I assume I will see the friend who is not really a friend because afterall, I haven't heard from her in 2 months other then a happy birthday on my facebook wall and a *like* on my status that I'm coming home. What's that about? She can't take 5 freakin minutes to to reply to my email? Ugh...

Ok must move on...

Seriously. All will be fine. Right?

Besides if I didn't go, all that time I spent training for the cold by sitting in my undies in front of the AC turned down to 17 will be wasted! I can't have that.