The art of saying goodbye

Being a "Western" expat isn't always good tax free salaries, cheap petrol, glamorous balls and fantastic bbq's, well...sometimes it is, but sometimes it's the hardest thing ever, especially when you have to say goodbye to your friends. I would honestly say it's the biggest downside to being an expat and something I didn't even consider before moving here.

Last August I said goodbye to one of the most awesome couples I knew and 2 of Cush and I's closet friends here in Oman.

I cried at The Chedi at their goodbye party and I'll tell you this, no one should ever cry at The Chedi. It just seems so wrong to be surrounded by beautifully landscaped water gardens and thoughtfully decorated, yet understated rooms with mascara running down one's face.

A few months later I said goodbye to another super awesome couple and cried at Costa Coffee in Shatti.

Then this last month with 2 farewell dinners looming I decided that I was not going to cry but instead get good and pissed and try to have a bit of a festive attitude to the whole thing.

At Pavo Real, 2 pina colada's had me giggling as I bade farewell to my friends, no tears in the parking lot as I hugged them goodbye.

And drinks at someones house party made us all a bit festive as we said see you later to S who will hopefully come back one day.

(this is just a small sampling, I've had to say goodbye to about 16 people in the last 3 and a half years and it sucked each and every time!)

The reason I can't do it sober anymore is because I will break down. I imagine that I will grab hold of my leaving friends ankles and beg them not to go, and that just makes things awkward, they already quit their job, sold their cars and furniture and have no place to live.

I think I hate goodbye's or even see you in awhile's so much because inevitably I always think I'll lose touch with the person and never hear from them again. It does happen.

The kind words and the promises to keep in touch break my heart every time, so much so that I end up just saying something super lame like, "ok" or "yep" in response to their heartfelt thank you for being my friend speeches and I end up feeling like a jerk.

If I could say what I wanted to say to my friends who have left but without all the tears and blubbering and snot and generally not being able to talk at all actually because of all the tears and blubbering and snot, I would say this:

Thank you for being my friend, thank you for hanging out with me and talking to me even when I'm so weird sometimes. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and hopes and plans with me, it's meant the world to me. I'm a better person for knowing you and having you in my life, for even just a short while, has made all the difference. I wish you nothing but the best and all the happiness the world can give you.

Maybe I should print this out and put it in a card and give it to them when they go.

So I guess if I had any advice to give for saying goodbye to a good friend, it would be the following:

-do go to the goodbye party/dinner/coffee/event because if you think it will be easier by not showing up, you will regret not going. Going and saying goodbye does offer a sort of closure which means you can move on and heal quicker.

-if you drink, have a drink to relax you, there's nothing like Dutch courage to be called upon in times of need. (if you don't drink, don't start, you don't want to have too much by accident and throw up on your friend when she hugs you for the last time!)

-be happy for your friend, moving on or going home is what most of us want to do at some point.

-don't play the guilt card, it isn't helpful and you do want the other person to remember you fondly, no?

-do send a last text message, it's just a nice thing to do when your friend is waiting around in Departures bored out of her mind.

-do not stop talking to people or trying to meet new people, it's not healthy.

-get in touch every so often, no one likes to be forgotten about and it's always nice to get a message back.

-make a plan to meet up in the future, go see where your friend lives or invite them to come see you, or meet up in some exotic location halfway.

And I guess that's it.


(To NC or NC's mom if either of you are reading this, first thanks NC's mom for reading and recommending, I appreciate it! and second I tried to email but it wouldn't go through, if you want to try emailing me at angryoman@gmail.com)